1. |
The First Days of July
04:28
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fireworks light up the sky as I drive home
this familiar feeling instilled in me
but I’m on my own
I can scream out loud,
compete with the sound
and try to drown it out
so I roll on through the fire in the sky
through the first days of July
and I will not be defined by everything that’s absent from my life
so what are we doing now?
still trying to figure out if we should do this on our own
I say “better together”
you say “take me home”
I think you’re scared and coming of age
petrified of debts we’ll pay
the cost of living accelerates
but believe in me I’m not afraid
it won’t stop until we die
our brains are scrambled, unbalanced,
this is out of line
and still I try to look at you and see eye to eye
no it’s not right
it’s not right
but still I’ll fight until the smoke begins to rise
and when it does will you be on my side?
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2. |
Something New
04:54
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grow out your hair
to make you feel strong
or make you feel something new
so when the kids come home
you have something to show
the next time they see you
but at the opposing side of this register line
are their same fears brilliantly disguised
why do I wait for someone to save me?
I don’t sleep, I only dream
and only of you
or violent depictions
the salt poured into all my wounds
don’t talk to me
I can’t feel anything
but I hope you find what was missing from me, baby
I hope you’re fine
I screamed aloud for years
but no one heard me cry
the hidden archetype of my life
then months passed by
I lost myself last year
but August made me lose my mind
entwined with fear from losing your love
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3. |
My Anxious Soul
04:25
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what I would do for a new life
what I would do to feel alive
well there’s something in my bones
that limits my strength
makes me unstable on my own
and makes me long for something
someone for my anxious soul to hold
can you explain your reasons once again?
it’s not that I’m stupid
I just don’t think we can be friends
but I’m too drunk, too high to make any sense
and you can tell me that we’re dead
and you can say I’m fucked up in my head
but that won’t fix what’s wrong with me
so please fix me
cuz I’m scared
and I’m lonely
so please fix me
what I would do for a new life
yeah what I would do to feel alive
well there’s something in your eyes
that limits my stress
makes me stable
makes me alive
makes me believe that someday
someday the sun will rise
not another star will die
like the last three times we tried
did we try?
so I will rise,
but someday my heart will die
will your world be dead?
will your earth still spin?
so I will rise
someday my heart will die
will your world be dead
will your earth start spinning?
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4. |
Subsides
01:25
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5. |
Silver Lining
04:53
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it’ll subside when we find the silver lining
then Mother Earth won’t cry anymore
this world is violent and it’s frightening
with shots fired in neighborhood grocery stores
tires screeching, screaming for an angel
to bless the scene and save the ones inside
God should work that way if he’s willing and able
so he doesn’t exist or just doesn’t try
why do so many die so god damn young?
overdoses leaving families unstable
yet addictions a choice claims the pubic eye
it’s bullshit, it’s fucked up, and it’s shameful
as we mourn the famous
ignore each other’s cries
why do so many die so god damn young?
and why did you have to die so god damn young?
why did you fucking die so god damn young?
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6. |
On Comfort
03:45
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the days are getting shorter
you and I keep growing older
but I still feel the same
we sit in cars in parking lots when we need to talk
and we wonder why things never change
and the cops are always roaming through the night
but nobody’s getting shot
it’s just a minor stoned past curfew at the light
and we are so tired of being comfortable
cuz even comfort comes with a price
even comfort comes with the longing for something that’s always long out of sight
maybe it’s more time to just think and drive tonight
familiar places lose their meaning
when pleasant memories start deceiving me into my grave
and whether I’m six feet under
scattered in Atlantic waters
would some form of me recall all of their names?
did the world change or is my vision not the same?
I feel simulated
manufactured to live each day the same fucking way
and now I have had enough again
I’d rather feel alive instead
without the storm clouds overhead
with you I know that we can try to comprehend
all the good in us that’s left
cuz it’s more than you could expect
there’s good in my heart and I’d give you all that I have left
if you would graciously accept
we can fix each other in the end
we will fix each other in the end
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7. |
A Place Devoted
05:03
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I'm sorry dad
for forgetting to do everything you ask
I feel like I can't control
this violent war waging inside my skull
I have a vice that tends to me
a small gradual escape from all of this, it seems
but I can't keep running away from pain
I run my mind in circles
soon I'll run my mind into the fucking grave
I'm sorry love
I took too long to learn I was not enough
I dreamt of a brick wall bedroom
a place devoted to the future I thought I knew
with you
this Hell only exists inside our heads
and we combat it with love from all our friends
and with love for every flaw we found instead
and for days we'll spend content
or in distress or in regret
everything will be beautiful in the end
this Hell only exists inside my head
and I'll combat it with strength that will avenge
and I'll flood the world with love that will infest
I've spent years waiting to live
and in distress and in regret
my life will be beautiful
then it'll end
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8. |
The World Back Then
06:00
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a trial
catch my breath
regain focus
on everything that's left
the redefined friend of mine
I knew you once in a different time
the world then felt much more kind
I wasn't scared back then
not like I am now
i've been trying to figure out
an escape from my old world
an escape from you, my girl
the gardens I will miss
soft and sweetness
the taste of your summer lips
I associate spring with your face
I'll miss you much more come May
somehow six months passed by
still sick, still losing time
I lose years at the sight of your eyes
oh your eyes used to bring me life
you choose to avoid mine
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9. |
Sometimes They Collide
01:36
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I see stars in you
scattered forms of light guiding us through
the endless clots of darkness above our roof
but sometimes they collide
a black hole inside
if i can't find a way to clear my mind
my brain will implode through my god damn skull
but with peace we find longings for complex times
is there a balance that can help us coexist?
I want weight, I want comfort, and significance
it's fine, I'll get it right
I'll do it better next time
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10. |
Do It Better
03:23
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I tried to make it right
and rid myself from their hatred and lack of spine
and rid myself of the emotions I can't hide
but sometimes they see outside
sometimes my worlds collide
I can't find outlets to clear my mind
I'm tired of only writing when I'm down
but the truth resides behind the tell tale signs
I ignore hoping that they won't persist
I ignore hoping that they don't exist
it's fine, I'll get it right
and do it better next time
I could not let you go
I'd say sorry for the things we can't control
I'd say sorry for the way we have grown old
but I stood by you for our shared life
you stepped aside and I fell behind
don't look back now
we finally found a way out
so I will give you what you gave to me
disappearance from comfort and stability
it's fine, you'll get it right
you'll do it better next time
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11. |
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I'm trying to learn something
maybe change my course
I've struggled to read or write or show remorse
for being absent through these bitter months
losing touch with some
especially the ones I love
but death is our guarantee
we could only wonder when
i just wish it was more gracious to my friends
with all these sirens around
I should be careful too
and just try to find my way back home to you
I'm trying to learn something
maybe about myself
and how I struggle to appreciate the love from those who offer help
I've been selfish and out of line
I've been ungrateful too
the sum of love I was given was more than I could ever produce
with all these golden hearts around
I'd give mine to you
in hopes that we stay golden forever too
in hopes i find my way back home with you
if I could just someday feel something I can control
a good heart, a clear mind, a life of my own
I'll get there day by day
I don't mind going slow
I'm just trying to find my way back home
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James Barrett Scranton, Pennsylvania
James Barrett
Scranton PA
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