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Twenty

by James Barrett

supported by
Jacob Sutherland
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Jacob Sutherland Track one melts into track two perfectly, so there's no time for an emotional break and now I'm overwhelmed. Favorite track: College.
~Eli
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~Eli Deserves far more attention, always love finding relatable tunes. Favorite track: College.
Olivia Bellito
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Olivia Bellito jimmy boy wild b is the best in the game. get a load of that T O N E
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1.
Beginning 03:09
I'm not ready for this but that's something I cannot say the truth is that I'm scared shitless of the loneliness that comes when i awake so I wake up from the sun reminded how she is gone again but she's not what I'm thinking of when i'm stoned or fucked up at Jerry's or in my bed I'm not who I want to be nor I do believe that I am right in this I was scared for too long to say I'm ready to endure this change I'm ready to begin I'm not scared of the weight I have to tolerate that comes with the words I need to say I need you to believe in me i want you to say to me that we will be ok tomorrow is a new day the start of my new ways I'll change for you so I can say "We'll be together again someday."
2.
College 04:22
outside another clouded mind another clouded sky but your eyes shock me back to life you say you don't know why I'm sad well I don't know either but I know something needs to mend but my body won't fix the havoc on my end I don't want to go home but you need some time to grow on your own I wonder why I can't feel the same but I only have myself to blame and yes there's days I cry because my emotional integrity is as weak as the heart in me when I try to say I'm fine the future is frightening my fragmented mind so why do I feel this way? when all that long for is change but I'm scared when nothing stays the same I don't want to run I don't want to hide but I fear the world outside will the ink on my body forever mean the same? does my place inside your heart still pulse when you hear my name? I don't want to go home but you need some time to grow on your own I wonder why I can't feel the same but I only have myself to blame
3.
I normally don't hate myself as much as I do today I normally don't feel the knives searing through my vertebrae but I can't tolerate the pain I can't accept the fact that the veins keeping us together are tethered to a bridge seen from your living room where we would watch the weather and now I can't move and if I could, I wouldn't want to I can see the house where we were renewed the day that you said that you loved me the clouds filled up with rain we saw a double rainbow from your front porch that day and we ran through it all through the parking lots through the months when you never called but we found each other the day of fall break and I held you in the snow that showed up that morning we kissed goodbye and walked back alone now I wait hoping soon you'll come home I need you now, but you're not here and there's something about the new year and you my dear
4.
Dead Bird 03:34
I woke up from the sun I let my dogs out only to find a dead bird on the side of my house its feathers were everywhere and I felt responsible for not being there but there was nothing I could do I saw you erased my face and existence from your mind do you think that I could ever forget our life? so I think back on our love and where we grew apart and I never thought you would cut me out of your heart but that's just where we are now we grew up together then we grew apart
5.
there's always something that we won’t ever forget I'm trying to remember the little I have left I hear the planes soaring above me but I know they're not you the wind is cold and stronger than me but I will stand my ground too I won’t die like this am I more than just alive? I need the reassurance that we will survive you're the reason the sky cries you were the sun that gave me life I’m sorry for the things I did to you before I died you said you’d always love me but here we are now I don’t blame you I hate myself too and I'm trying to get out the things I once loved feel heavy and I can’t bare the weight a convalescent in this menagerie the circus won’t take and I won’t die like this and even if I died tonight if I saw your face, your eyes would rip through my insides you are the reason the sun will rise you were the light that gave me life I'm sorry for the things I did to you before I died
6.
Twenty 04:02
there are things I can't tell you now but I hope you're happy to hear that I'm doing well today was the first time the sun came out I thought about the spring, our pot brownie, water parks, and your house the repercussions from our demise the things I once loved that I must learn to leave behind I will miss you everyday I will miss you everyday there's things I cannot change so I will take the blame and I will miss you everyday you said shit's gonna be different now I tried to process turning twenty in May without you around cuz we needed each other from the start but my world began to deteriorate then I fell apart I will miss you everyday I will miss you everyday there's things I cannot change so I will take the blame and I will miss you everyday I'm sorry that I cannot stay I killed myself watching you walk away I will love you everyday until the earth stands still in space and I will miss you everyday I will miss you everyday I will miss you everyday I still miss you everyday

about

Artwork by Robert Dodd
Tracked, mixed, and mastered by Jake Checkoway
All songs written and performed by James Barrett
Additional harmonies by Terry Hurst Jr and Aiden Holmes
Additional guitar on "Dead Bird" by Terry Hurst Jr.

credits

released May 26, 2017

Credits

There's a lot of special people in my life that led to this album. Thank you to my loving and supportive friends and family, to Terry Hurst Jr, Aidan Holmes, Joey Snedecker, Jake Checkoway, Robert Dodd, Matt Hughes, Hannah Gaul, Jerry Connor, The Fitzgerald Family, James Jaskolka, Shawna Smith, Ashley Gellman, Mary Cosentini, Doug Griffiths, Worries, University Drive, Spur, Major Pursuit, Zack Monahan, Joel Todero, Mariah Hawley, Celeste Belknap, Lee Owens, Molly Pash, Kayla Kruchinsky, Austin Catania, Wyatt Sebring, Thomas Stone, Robert Swift, Katie Carlin, Sloane Schubert, Angelo Maruzzelli, Dashboard Mary, and anyone else who has supported me throughout my twenty years of existence. I love you all and I am thankful forever.

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James Barrett Scranton, Pennsylvania

James Barrett
Scranton PA

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